


Not Your Fault But Mine

by PjUm_pa_PjuM



Series: SOULMATES. IDK. MIGHT MAKE SOME MOREEEE [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bad Parenting, Blood and Injury, Daichi knows what's up, Established Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I am not actually sorry when I say I'm sorry, Iwaizumi Hajime is done with Oikawa's shit, Jealous Hinata Shouyou, Kageyama Tobio Needs a Hug, Kageyama Tobio will be sad eventually, Kageyama just wants to be loved, M/M, Not a completely happy story yolo, Not so happy tears, Oikawa Tooru Being Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru Being an Idiot, Oikawa Tooru is a Little Shit, Pain, Pain ans misery, Please Don't Hate Me, Possible Character Death, Possible mentions of deppresion, Sad Oikawa because he's an asshole, Sorry to all Oikawa simps, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Surgery, Tsukishima Kei is the best bro, Weirdness, probably happy ending?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29181582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PjUm_pa_PjuM/pseuds/PjUm_pa_PjuM
Summary: "Iwa-chan..." Oikawa looked up at his best friend with watery eyes."How do I fix this?"...Or, an Oikage soulmate AU because I am infeels.Oikawa is an asshole at the beginning, but not really, he had his character development okay?Updated weekly
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Series: SOULMATES. IDK. MIGHT MAKE SOME MOREEEE [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2146089
Comments: 72
Kudos: 231
Collections: Anu2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo...  
> I got in some major Oikage feels recently, and this is my take on the soulmatey AU. I have never wrote something like this before, but since I need some angst, I decided to write this. 
> 
> Firstly, lemme just say that nothing here is accurate to the manga. I mean, yeah, they are on the Nationals, they are playing Inarizaki.  
> But it is all hapening on Kageyama's birthday, his 16th to be exact because...  
> Its for the _plot_ okay?
> 
> Also chapters are various lengths because... Idk. Sometimes I didn't have a lot to write so that's why the chapter is shorter.

Oikawa didn't know, how to tell this to Iwaizumi.

He really needs his best friend's help right now, but he doesn't know how to say it. He's been avoiding the topic for three years, so everything is too complicated.

"Iwa-chan," he said, quietly.

Iwaizumi didn't look up from his book, but he did hum, to acknowledge that Oikawa spoke.  
Maybe it was better, that Iwaizumi wasn't looking at him.

"It's Tobio-chan's birthday tommorrow, isn't it?" he said, trying to act casual and natural, as he rested his chin on his palm and looked out of the window.

"Huh?" Iwaizumi looked up from his book. Ah, Oikawa didn't choose the right words. "Why do you know that?"

Oikawa rolled his eyes. "Come on, I've seen the applications for the volleyball club, of course I know."

"Why are you asking me then?" answered Iwaizumi, and turned his eyes back to the book in his lap.

"But it's his 16th birthday, isn't it?" Oikawa tried again.

Maybe, if he just hints it, Iwaizumi will understand, and he wouldn't have to say.  
But apparently, Iwaizumi decided to be an idiot.

"So? He's going to be 16 now what?"

And maybe, Oikawa should just leave it here. It would be better, if Iwaizumi didn't know what he had done. Maybe he shouldn't have initiated the conversation in the first place.

But it's been three years, and the horrible feeling of guilt on his chest was heavier than before. The scars on his right hip were itching, they were ugly and disgusting, and Oikawa hated the scarred tissue.

He didn't want to feel like this anymore, the guilt was eating him alive, he couldn't live with it anymore.

The fact that Tobio will suffer for his actions makes his heart feel even heavier.

"But it's... his _16th_ birthday," he said again, hoping Iwaizumi would get the hint this time.  
Iwaizumi sighed.

"Yeah, he's gonna get his soulmark. So what? There's no need to feel worried it's going to be you. You could bully him all of your life, and isn't that just fantastic?"

Oikawa didn't answer for a moment. Because what Iwaizumi said, just added a little more weight on his shoulders.

Because that sounds like something he would say, three years ago.

He didn't answer to Iwaizumi's question, but rather decided to cut to the point. "I never actually showed you my soulmark, did I?"

He said the sentence quietly, turned away from Iwaizumi, who was paying more attention to him now. Oikawa didn't want to see his face, when he realises, what Oikawa was saying.

"Not, that I remember. Why?" carefully asked Iwaizumi.

Oikawa didn't say anything, and let the silence speak for itself. The silence was suffocating, and Oikawa's hip burned. He didn't know if he imagined the pain, but he hoped it was real.

He hoped he didn't completely fuck up.

"Don't tell me..." Iwaizumi started, voice dreadfully quiet. Oikawa didn't turn to look at him, but he felt Iwaizumi's burning gaze at the back of his head.

"Oh my..." Iwaizumi gasped and Oikawa bit his lip.

He didn't know what kind of reaction to expect. He was ready to get his head whacked, he was ready for yelling.

But Iwaizumi stared at him, quietly, not saying anything. Waiting for Oikawa to speak up, explain. But the brunette didn't want to say it out loud.

He stubbornly kept his gaze away from Iwaizumi, even when the boy crawled closer, and grabbed him for is arm.

"Oikawa! Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Iwaizumi asked, voice strained.

Oikawa supposed he should tell him, if he wants Iwaizumi to help him. He started the conversation with this purpose anyway.

Because he did something really bad this time.

He turned to look at Iwaizumi, and it was enough. Iwaizumi looked at him wide eyed.

"Are you.. oh my god! You're Kageyama's soulmate?"

Oikawa merely nodded, and Iwaizumi leaned back, and rubbed his eyes with his hands, frustrated. "Oh my God.! What the fuck?? I can't believe this!"

Oikawa would agree.

It was fucking ridiculous, that the universe decided to pull a practical joke on him. But that wasn't the worst thing to come, as Oikawa had something else to get off his chest.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell him? And you're telling me this now, today? 24 fucking hours before Kageyama gets his soulmark?" Iwaizumi exclaimed, and grabbed Oikawa for his shoulders to shake him violently.

This was more like Iwaizumi, and Oikawa supposes he feels relieved.

"Wait, that's... that's not all..." Oikawa said, and pushed Iwaizumi away. That didn't stop the other boy, he just whacked him upside the head instead.

Oikawa whined, and rubbed his head, where Iwaizumi had hit him. The boy was sitting beside him now, frowning and arms crossed. Oikawa supposed he was feeling left out, but he couldn't actually tell him.

"I. uh..." 

"Spit it out. I don't have all day Shittykawa."

Oikawa took in a deep breath. He should just say it, to get it off his chest, and to seek help. Surely, Iwaizumi would know how.. how.. to fix it.

"Remember that time, when I had surgery in my second year?" he asked, hesitantly.

He hoped Iwaizumi would pick up from just that, because he didn't want to spell it out.  
His hip still burned, and Iwaizumi huffed.

"That knee surgery that was very complicated? Yeah, you were bitching about it for days. What does it have to do with anything?"

"I lied about that."

Iwaizumi didn't say anything. He just sat there, waiting for Oikawa to speak. Oikawa turned away, kept his gaze on the birds outside his window.

He didn't want to see Iwaizumi's dissapointed glare. Or his betrayed exppresion, that was even worse.

"I mean, I didn't lie about the surgery, I did went to get operated. But not my knee," he said slowly, quietly.

That was so unlike him, and Iwaizumi was too quiet.

But judging by the harsh intake of breath, Iwaizumi understood what he was saying. And Oikawa barely had time to dodge, when Iwaizumi practically threw hismelf at him, and grabbed his wrists.

"You...Shittykawa what the fuck did you do?" Iwaizumi didn't yell. He asked quietly, with strained voice.

It was obvious, the boy knew what Oikawa did, but still refused to connect the dots.  
The brunette didn't say anything, he really didn't want to confirm it out loud.

He tried to squirm his wrists out of Iwaizumi's grasp, but the boy just hold him tighter.

"Oikawa!"

"I removed my fucking soulmark, okay?"Oikawa then yelled back, and Iwaizumi stilled. "I removed my soulmark, and now I don't know what to do, beacuse I didn't think that through, and.."

Oikawa didn't get to say anything else, because Iwiazumi smashed his head in his, to shut him up. Oikawa yelped, and fell back on the bed from the impact. Iwaizumi was already grabbing his shirt, and shaking him violently.

"Of course you didn't think that through! What the fuck were you thinking in the first place, you fucking dumbass?? You know, that's going to kill him right?" Iwaizumi screamed at him, anger loud nad clear in his voice.

And yes, Oikawa might know what consequences his actions might have.

The thing with soulmarks was, that if you already met your soulmate before your soulmark was formed, the pain of the soulmark being written on your body was supoosed to be really awful.

Because a part of the bond was already formed, and if there was a distance between them, the connection was weak, and the soulmarks would burn harder.

The pain of them already knowing each other would already be very painful, but with Oikawa cutting Kageyama off... 

Soulmates were a special bond between two individuals. Their souls were connected at their birth, before they even came to life. Their souls were already chosen to be a pair, ready to be connected with heart strings, and matching marks.

The marks could be anywhere on the body, and it consisted of initials of your soulmate's name. They were blank at first, just outlines were visible, but when you met your soulmate, the colors filled the letters.

If one was to reject the bond, the colours would fade. But the connection would still be there, and both of them would be okay.  
But if someone were to take a surgery, the soulmark would be forcefully removed, and a part of the soulbond would be broken.

There are a lot of theories, some say that the bond was so strong, that a surgery wouldn't be enough to remove the bond, to delete the parts of your soulmate from your heart. The other one, was that with no mark, there was no bond.

With bond removed, the person would also loose some ability to feel emotions, numbness was one of the side effects. The removal would affect both of them, the pain was to be dreadfull, especially if one of the pair didn't consent to it.

The breaking of the bond was worse than putting a wall, it could kill you in the long run.

And Oikawa was still angry and jealous back then. He didn't think rationally, he didn't tell anyone, what he was about to do. He went in hopes to remove Kageyama from his life, but he didn't want to harm himself in the process.

That's why he did it so early, why he didn't talk to anyone. And now, three years later, after he's seen Kageyama's growth, after he actually felt proud on his kouhai, he regretted his actions, so bad.

He hoped the first theory about the bonds was right, beacuse...

"I was selfish okay?" he yelled back at Iwaizumi. "I was jealous and selfish brat, and I didn't want Tobio-chan's name on my body! So I went to the surgery!"

Iwiazumi furrowed his brows, and shook him again. "No! You weren't fucking selfish, beacuse if you were, you wouldn't fucking do that!"

Oikawa stared up at fuming Iwaizumi. He knew he was right, but Oikawa never liked admiting to his mistakes.

"Because it's going to affect you too! You weren't even thinking about yourself you fucking dumbass! Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because... because I knew you were going to try and convince me otherwise, and I..."

Oikawa didn't want to finish his sentence. Iwiazumi understood anway, and let go of his shirt. He slumped against a wall and put his head in his hands. Oikawa looked away, because he didn't want to see that.

That was exactly why he didn't want Iwaizumi to know.

"God damnit Toruu," mumbled Iwaizumi and Oikawa stiffened. "You.. you really hate him that much?"

"No! I don't," Oikawa hissed back. He still didn't look at his best friend. "Not anymore at least."

"That...makes it worse," Iwaizumi huffed in response. Oikawa looked over his shoulder at Iwaizumi, who wasn't looking at him.

"Because that means you cut Kageyama off out of pettynes..." Oikawa didn't answer, because Iwaizumi was right.

Oikawa was petty, and childish, he wasn't thinking in the long run, and he fucked up everything. Because Kageyama will get his soulmark tomorrow, and who knows how he'll handle it.

Oikawa heard awful stories about rejected marks, and he didn't wished the pain to Kageyama. No, he didn't posses any more hostile emotions for the boy. No, in the past year, he grew to actually like the younger setter.

And he felt so guilty, because it didn't matter.

The bond wasn't even formed, and it never will be, and Oikawa felt like he destroyed something precious.

He already crushed Kageyama once, the events of middle school still haunted him sometimes. But he got older, he got a little wiser, and he took responsibility for his actions.

He apologised to the boy, and Kageyama, his sweet little kouhai, looked up at him with that shiny look in his eyes again.

And Oikawa was feeling guilty, so fucking guilty, because the smile on the boy's lips was so hopeful and genuine, and Oikawa's hip burned so bad.

Kageyama didn't even know what was going on, but Oikawa alreday fucked up everything.

Iwaizumi rose up, and sat on the bed beside Oikawa.

"Can I see?"

Oikawa didn't want to show him. Beacuse the scars were ugly, still red againts his paler skin. But he needs help with fixing this, and maybe it's not that bad.

So, he raised his shirt, and showed Iwaizumi the scars above his hip bone. Iwiazumi could see faint traces of T. K, but barely visible. The red scars were covering it up, and if he weren't looking closely, he wouldn't even see the mark.

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa said quietly, when Iwiazumi pulled away. He looked at his friend, whose face was carefully blank, lacking reaction.

"How do I fix this?"

Iwaizumi looked at him for a moment, before he turned away.

"This time? I don't think you can."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapters are kinda lame but bear with me. We gotta have some background setting first 😌


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little insight on Kageyama's point of view to the whole soulmate stuff.
> 
> But nevermind it its for the plot and it, the important stuff is getting started my dudes 😌

"Na, Kageyama," Hinata called out to the setter, after their first match at the Nationals.

They were getting ready for sleep, and Kageyama wasn't exactly in the mood to chat with the middle blocker. But Hinata was a big ball of energy, and he figured he might as well exchange some words with the shorter boy, or he might not get any actual sleep tonight.

"Hm?"

"It's your birthday tomorrow, isn't it?"excitedly said Hinata, as he laid down on his futon.

"Yea? So?"

"And? Are you excited?" Hinata perked up at the setter, who frowned at him.

"Why would I be excited? I'm a year older, so what?" Kageyama answered, his voice monotone. Birthdays weren't anything special for him. He never actually had anyone to celebrate his birthdays with.

It wasn't like he hated, despised the idea of birthday parties. With his grandfather's passing, and his mother practically walking out on him, no one even called him on the 22d of December. 

So birthdays quickly became just another day to Kageyama. 

Not that he particularly cared. 

Hinata visibly deflated and frowned at the raven-haired boy. "Wha? But it's your 16th birthday?? You're getting your soulmark tomorrow?"

Kageyama shrugged. He didn't particularly care about soulmates. He did find the fact that there is someone else, whose soul is bind to his, a little ridiculous. But he liked to imagine, what meeting your soulmate, being with them would feel like.

The whole thing actually lacked logic, and there was no real science behind that, but they were individuals, who made him believe that soulmates are, sometimes, real.

Like Daichi and Sugawara. They were soulmates, and Kageyama could practically sew the bond between them, like a golden thread. He would never say it out loud, but he wished for a bond like that.

But who knows where his soulmate is.

They could be literally anywhere, and Kageyama might never even cross their path. Maybe it was a random student, who walked past him in school, or maybe it was a random customer in the grocery store. 

Maybe it was a person living in a whole diferent country, continent even. He probably won't even see his soulmate. Chances his soulmate was actually in the same country were very small. 

And he wasn't lucky enough, to be one of those fortunate ones. 

And he was completely fine with that.

Because he knew his soulmate probably won't even want him to begin with. 

"Bakayama, you know that stuff's pretty important, right?" seriously said Hinata. The middle blocker was looking at him, with too serious expression on his face. 

Like he was already thinking about having this conversation, and Kageyama was too tired for this. He was too tired for serious conversations right now.

Kageyama huffed in annoyance. "Whatever. There's almost zero chance for me to actually meet them, so..."

"But what if you've already met them?" Hinata said quietly, and pointedly looked away.

Kageyama was ready to just shrug his shoulders. Like he said before, chances for that were less than zero. He was about to whack Hinata upside the head and tell the dumbass to go to sleep and leave him alone, when Tsukishima snorted.

"Why, don't tell me you're hoping to match with King?"

Hinata then blushed, and started waving his hands around. He was already spluttering some complete nonsense, and god damn. Kageyama had enough. 

They have another match to win tomorrow for God's sake. 

Kageyama kicked the orange haired boy with his leg. "The fuck boke? Your soulmark doesn't nearly resemble my name?"

The raven-haired boy had seen Hinata's soulmark. Not that he actually wanted to, but the dumbass was practically shoving his arm in front of the setter's face, when he got it. 

Kageyama didn't understand how the boy could talk about the thing so freely. So casually, like it didn't really matter. Because Hinata spoke very highly of soulmate mattery. He always showered Kageyama with useless questions, about them. 

He told the setter his dreams about his soulmate too. How he wished they'd also be interested in volleyball, how he sihes he could take them to shrine every year. how they would go to the festival together. 

And sometimes, Kageyama also thought about things like that. How he wished he could hold his soulmate's hand, how they'd paly volleyball together. 

But deep down, he knew he wouldn't get that. How could someone love him unconditionally? Him, who even his own mother can't bring herself to love? 

"It could be you know."

But it wasn't. He had seen Hinata's soulmark, and the letters didn't resemble his initials at all. And he didn't understand why the ginger wanted him as his soulmate. 

Kageyama stared at the middle blocker, not sure what to say. No one wanted to be his soulmate before, if anything, he heard people actually pity his other half.

The whispers followed him around, and ugly looks were sent his way. He wasn't someone lovable. No, he scared people away, no one dared to approach him. 

And he was fine like that. He tried to not let the ugly words get to him, but with that fatalatch in middle school, when he managed to drive his team away, he started to velieve the rumours. 

He started to believe, that he didn't deserve to have a soulmate. He still dreamed about the hugs from time to time. 

But all that was just his wishful thinking. 

"I.. what?"

Hinata looked at him then, blush still visible on his cheeks. "I... I think it wouldn't be so bad, to be matched with you. We could play volleyball every day."

And Kageyama just stood there for a moment. Because no one before said that. No one before thought it wouldn't be that bad, to be soulbonded to him. 

But here he was, Hinata, sitting in front of him, looking at him with a smile on his face. His eyes were almost shining, just like that time, when he first set for him. 

The raven-haired boy felt weird urge to hug Hinata, but he settled on patting the middle blocker's head. 

"Huh. You're right. That... that would be cool," agreed Kageyama, and kept his voice emotionless and bored. 

He didn't notice how Tsukishima looked at him from the other side of the room. 

"Right?" Hinata beamed up at him, and Kageyama suppressed the urge to softly smile back. 

But they both knew they were not a match. Hinata had someone else's initials carved in his arm and his soul was bonded to someone else. 

And Kageyama was okay with that, because he wished the best for Hinata, even if he stubbornly didn't show it. The orange haired boy deserved someone far better than him, and he was glad he wasn't the one Hinata would end up with. 

Even tho he sometimes wondered, if it would be possible. Sometimes, when he couldn't sleep, he sat awake in his bed. He traced the skin on his forearm, right on the spot where Hinata's mark is. 

Sometimes, he felt his eyes sting, and sometimes, he let the tears fall. 

Sometimes, he allowed himself to cry over a soulmate he didn't even have. 

Their conversation was cut off when Daichi violently threw a pillow in their direction. 

"Shut up! It's almost midnight, why the hell are you still up?" yelled the captain, and Hinata quickly laid down on the futon, and Kageyama followed suit. 

They had another match tomorrow, and they were playing for the win. All of them need to be maximum, because Nationals weren't a piece of cake, they learned that today. 

And they were determined, to bring the medal back to Miyagi.

Daichi then bid them goodnight, and flicked the lights off. Kageyama settled down and wrapped himself up in the blanket. He didn't know how to feel about tomorrow. He was positive about the match, they played well today. 

So he wasn't actually worried about their performance. They won two sets in a row today, so he feels pretty confident. He trust his teammates, but what worried him was the soulmark. 

Or rather, the mark forming. From what he learned, the whole thing could be really painful, depending if he he already knew who his other half was. He heard some stories about tha pain, from Daichi amd Sugawara for example. 

"It burned. It really burned, for a moment, I was sure my leg was on fire," said Daichi one day, when Hinata (the fucking dumbass) decided to ask about their captains being soulmates. 

"Yeah. My too. It was like I was holding my leg over a scorching flame," said Sugawara. The setter shivered as he recalled the memory. 

And Kageyama found himself wishing that day, that he didn't met his soulmate yet. He didn't want to feel the pain that made Daichi srcunch his face and Sugawara shiver. 

But then Sugawara held out his hand to Daichi, and smiled. "But then the pain stopped, and I felt something completely different, to the scorching pain I felt before. It was nice, and soft, it felt like someone was gently caressing the spot where Daichi's initials are."

Daichi smiled softly back at Sugawara then, and Kageyama regained a little faith in soulmates. Because something was clearly there, something stronger than the usual love one felt for another. 

No, there was something greater and even more beautiful. 

And Kageyama wanted that, but he knew better. 

For some reason, the marks form at 12 o'clock. How that made sense, Kageyama never bothered to ask. But he hoped, that the timimg won't be crucial. He hoped he wouldn't feel a lot of pain, and he hoped he wouldn't be the reason they lost. 

Mabye he should ask their coach, too sub him out at twelve. Because they were here to win, and he couldn't afford to fuck up. He couldn't afford to hold his team back, soulmate be damned.

He doesn't know who the person is, but he won't risk losing at Nationals for them. And maybe that's why he doesn't deserve a soulmate.

Because he is too selfish, he doesn't know how to properly care for others.

But that doesn't really matter, does it?

"Hey Kageyama?" Hinata whispered, his voice slightly slurred form sleep.

"Mhm?"

"Goodnight," said Hinata and Kageyama exhaled softly. Maybe, maybe he also wished it would be Hinata, who wore his initials.

The whole thing would be easier, their arms would burn like hell of course, but Kageyama could manage.

"Goodnight you dumbass," Kageyama whispered back softly. Hinata snorted in response, and the raven-haired boy heard shuffling of the sheet, when Hinata turned around. 

If Kageyama's lips were pulled in a soft smile, no one needed to know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alos uhh the ages and stuff are not completely accurate and the nationals stuff is kinda... off?  
> ...  
> however, have a nice day my dudes ✨✌🏻😗


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit's happening my dudes 💅🏻😌

"Shittykawa, get here it's starting," yelled Iwaizumi from the hotel living room. 

Karasuno was playing against Inarizaki, and with Kageyama's birthday, and soulmark forming, they decided to watch the live broadcast of the game.

Oikawa already had intentions of watching the game, and Iwaizumi was also curious to see the outcome. They were both also on the look out for Kageyama, since it was almost 12. am.

And since the whole thing is already bound to be bad, Iwaizumi wanted to dragg Oikawa all the way to the Tokio stadium. But tickets were already sold out, and they didn't have other option but to settle in one of the hotels nearby, and watch the streaming. 

Oikawa understood where Iwaizumi was coming from, the distance between them would be too great, and who knows what would happen, if Oikawa stayed in Miyagi. 

He doesn't want to know. 

Needless to say, Oikawa was nervous. The scarred tissue on his hip was itching, tingling. He hoped it wasn't just his imagination, he hoped the slight burn in his hip was real. 

The doctor told him he wouldn't be able to feel anything, that it would be like the mark was never there. She did mention some complications, but Oikawa wasn't really listening.

All he was focused on back then, was how he wouldn't be able to feel Kageyama, how he'd remove him from his life one way or another.

But the scars were itching now and he allowed himself to hope. 

He hoped the procedure didn't remove eveything, that there was a little part of it left.

"Damn, his serve could match yours. He even got the cheering squad to grow quiet," mumbled Iwaizumi, and Oikawa blinked.

He was so lost in thoughts he didn't notice the game was already starting. Heck, Karasuno already won the first set.

"Nah, I can do it better," he mumbled back, but his voice was lacking the sarcasm.

He didn't pay much attention to the match, he was observing Kageyama. He seemed okay, even at the top of his game, he got three no touch aces in a row.

His form was amazing, and the serve he pulled was something new. It was diferent than the serve he saw him do in their matches. Kageyama managed to polish it, in such little time. 

If this were to happen three years ago, Oikawa would be fuming with jelaousy, and spitting disgusting cruel insults. Because he himself needed to work a little harder, push a little further.

But he couldn't feel any envy or jealousy now. He felt proud, to see how Kageyama has improved, even without his actual help. 

And maybe it was a good thing, that Oikawa refused to show his kouhai the serve. Because Kageyama managed to find and develop his own. He improved his skills, and he got better.

That was what mattered, didn't it?

"Heh. Sure. Kageyama seems to be doing okay," answered Iwaizumi.

And Oikawa was about to agree, because his kouhai's expressions weren't pained or anything. His face was the same, as alwys, the slight crease between his eyebrows, as he feowned in concentracion.

But then he glanced at his wrist watch, and he froze on spot, when he saw what time it was. It was 12. o clock. 

There it came, the moment he dreaded the most. Oikawa bit his lip nervously, and rubbed his hand against the scars on his hip. 

Kageyama was ready to serve again. 

~

Kageyama spinned the ball. They won the first set, but they were at match point now. If he can get two no touch aces in, they would win this set too, and the match would be over.

Hinata didn't bug him about the soulmate thing since yesterday. He supposed that's a good thing, because Kageyama really didn't need any distraction. He did however bombard him with happy birthday wishes, as soon as Kageyama opened his eyes.

He faked annoyance, but it felt nice, to hear the birthday wishes. At least for once in his life. 

He threw the ball up, and swang his hands back. He did vaguely register a slighty itch on his hip, supposedly caused by the mark forming.He forgot to ask Ukai to sub him out at 12. He didn't even realise they were playing for that long, but he can handle it.

The pain wasn't even that bad. 

He ran up to the white line, and jumped up. The itching increased to a burning feeling, but he didn't let that get in the way. He had a match to win, he would deal with his stupid mark later.

Kageyama hit the ball, with less force than he intended, but it was strong enough, to set the ball over. Their libero barely had time to dive for the ball, but it was too late. The ball was in, and Kageyama scored another no touch ace.

The crowd went wild, and he heard his teammates shout in victoriously. A small smirk graced his lips, when he spinned the ball in his hands again.

"Kageyama nice one! One more!" yelled the crowd, and the setter also heard Sugawara cheering for him in the background. 

He wondered, if Oikawa was watching. 

What did the older boy think? Did he finally saw him as an equal rival, someone worthy of competition, or was he still looking down on him, like he was still just a kouhai?

Kageyama hoped the setter was watching. Because he developed his own serve, with his own skill, and he hoped Oikawa saw it.

He wanted Oikawa to saw it, because he wanted him to finally acknowledge him.

His hip was burning now, almost unbearable, and he had to grit his teeth for a moment. Maybe he should call to swap with Sugawara, but the whistle was blown, and Kageyama was ready to serve again.

He tried to not think about the scorching pain on his hip, as he threw the ball up. Just one more, and they'll win. One more point, and they'll move on to the next stage, they'll be one step closer to win the Nationals.

He jumped, he was ready to hit the ball, when the scorching pain in his hip increased. It hurt too much, he couldn't feel the ball hit his hand, when he stumbled on his shaky legs. 

What the hell? 

It felt like something was tearing at his hip with razors, like something was splitting him open.

He heard bad stories about mark forming, he heard how it could burn, but he never heard it could feel like your body was beimg torned open.

The pain was increasing with each moment, and he couldn't even stand anmyore, his vision was blurring, and he couldn't breathe. His knees hit the ground, he didn't hear his teammates calling out his name.

The raven-haired boy cursed, as he realized what that meant. His soulmate was someone he knew, someone he already bonded with.

Fuck.

Kageyama grabbed his hip with his hand, and he panicked, when he felt thick, warm liquid running down his hand.

What the fuck was happening?

Why is there blood on his hands? This wasn't supposed to happen, his mark shouldn't even be that painful.

The pain didn't stop it was even worse than before, and he couldn't stop the scream from escaping his lips.

Something tugged at his chest, and he couldn't breathe anymore, he was trying to, but his breaths were shallow. He felt something pulling at something inside of him, like someone was trying to pull at invisible threads attached to his soul.

He didn't know what was going on, he didn't try to understand it, bevause he was too busy trying to breathe normally.

He choked on nothing but air, and his chest was aching. He felt hands gripping his forearms, but that only caused the strings to pull harder, and Kageyama tried to swat the hands away.

He looked down on his bloody hip, and could barely see anything through the tears in his eyes, as he tried to wipe the blood away. He wanted to see who was hurting him like this.

The bloody initials O. T were staring back at his in pain scrunched up face. And the world stopped for a moment, time froze. He didn't hear anything else but white noise ringing in his ears, as he realized who the initials belong to.

He knew only one person whose names starts with O. T.

He screamed again, as loud as he could, because this wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair, that it was Oikawa's name on his hip. It wasn't fair it was Oikawa whom his soul was bonded with. It wasn't fair.

Kageyama cried out, as his suppressed dreams of holding soft hands, and gentle hugs and kises were being crushed.

Because there was no way, Oikawa would ever give him something like that. Because Oikawa already decided he wasn't worthy of his attention.

Why was this happening to him? And in front of his team mates? In front of Miya Atsumu, and Inarizaki? In front of strangers, who were watching him squirm on the ground?

Why was he so unlucky?

The mark burned harder again, and the strings tugged again. And this time, he felt like they snapped, as unbearable scorching pain surged through his body, and shook his form.

He let his eyes roll at the back of his head, as the pain was too much, and he couldn't even process his surroundings anymore.

Did Oikawa feel this? Did he also went through the same thing, just now? Or is he sitting at home, watching the television, laughing at him?

He barely registered hands on his arms, as he fell backwards into oblivion. Oikawa's mocking fake smile was the last thing he saw, before the darkness wrapped around him.

~

Oikawa watched, holding his breath and his heart beating way too fast, as Kageyama jumped to serve. The skin on his hip was burning now, and he was sure he didn't imagine it. 

It seemed like the raven-haired boy wasn't even affected by the mark forming. He didn't know if he should feel grateful for that, or if he should be offended.

He actually felt a little scared, beacuse if Kageyama didn't feel the mark forming, did that mean the bond wasn't even there?

When Kageyama was ready to serve again, Oikawa felt strange discomfort in his chest it was like something heavy was laying there, preventing him from breathing. He also felt something itch at his soulmark, where the scars were.

Like someone was straching at the barely visible letters on his hip.

And when Kageyama's hand faltered, and missed the ball, Oikawa felt something tug at his chest at the heavy thing in his chest. His breath hitched, and his heart hurt.

He didn't understand what was going on, because he didn't feel like this, when his mark first formed.

Three years ago, the mark burned like hell, and the letters stabbed at the skin on his hip like claws. But it was manageable, not nearly as hard as this.

He tried to breathe, but it was like nothing was getting in, and Oikawa grabbed at his shirt. But it wasn't the shirt, choking him. No, something was pulling from the inside, tugging at his heart, pulling something out. 

He didn't want to understand what was happening, because he could still think, and he knew there were three stages of soulbonding. 

One of the connections were soulmarks on their bodies, the other was the emotional.bond, that allowed them to feel each other's emotions. Second handedly of course. 

And the third was the actual core of the soul bond, the so called heart strings. The strings that connected the souls, the hearts of two people. 

And something was tugging at the strings in Oikawa's heart, pulling, like it was trying to... 

Like something was trying to tear the strings out, and rip them apart. 

Was Kageyama feeling all of this? Did he feel the same monster, clawimg ts way in their chest, and grabbing his heart? 

Did Kageyama also feel the same burn as him, did he also feel how the strings were pulled out. 

Could he feel his heart breaking apart, and the bond being broken? 

His vision was blurry, he didn't even know when he started crying but the hot tears were streaming down his cheeks.

He aimlessly swatted his hands around, trying to grab Iwaizumi's arm. But he was disoriented, he couldn't even breathe, his hip burned, like someone was carving something on his skin with fire.

It felt like someone was cutting him open, reopening the old wounds, scratching at his scars. Like his scars were being reopened, and the letters were being cut out again.

He wavered, and he barely registered arms around his middle. Because the pain was too much. 

Kageyama's hopeful smile was the last thing, his brain supplied him with, before his eyes were rolled back, and his limbs went limp. 

_I'm so sorry... Tobio..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't like making my boys suffer, but hey  
> It's for the plot and angst. 
> 
> We all love some good angst don't we 😌


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random view of the outsiders on the poor Kageyama.

It happened too fast.

Daichi barely had time to register what was going on, when Kageyama screamed, clutching his hip.

He didn't understand at first, because the boy seemed fine just a moment before, but now he was laying on the floor, struggling to breathe.

Hinata was there, trying to calm Kageyama down, but the boy just screamed louder, pain loud and clear in his voice.  
One look at the clock, and he immediately understood what was happening.

Kageyama's soulmark was forming.

"Kageyama, hey! It's fine!" Daichi heard his soulmate, trying to calm the raven-haired boy down. But it was like the younger didn't even register his surroundings, like he couldn't hear anyone.

And it was painful, too painful to watch. Soulmates were supposed to be wonderful, beautiful precious things. But watching Kageyama squirm, eyes rolled back in his head and blood on his hands, was very unsettling for Daichi.

He didn't understand why it was so bad for Kageyama, and he could see Sugawara was struggling too. He felt a weird pull in his chest, he could feel Sugawara's distress through the bond.

His mark itched, as he walked over to Sugawara, and pulled him in his arms.   
He knew the silver haired boy was just trying to help Kageyama, but it was unsettling for both of them, watching Kageyama's body tremble in pain.

The fact that it was the soulmark, causing the boy so much pain was terrifying. Either their bond was already strong, or there was something else going on. 

Sugawara didn't put up a fight, he let Daichi embrace him and pull away. He distantly heard Ukai yell for ambulance but he was more focused on Sugawara's beating heart against his.

He was trying to calm down Sugawara as he reached out to him through their bond. And Sugawara met him halfway, as he snuggled closer and squeezed his eyes shut.

Daichi closed his eyes, as Kageyama's piercing scream echoed through the gym once again.

"Daichi..." Sugawara said quietly. "You.. you know what that was, right?"

Daichi inhaled deeply. "Yeah. I...I do.."

He looked over his shoulder, at now unconscious Kageyama, as the medical staff were picking his body up.

"Their bond just broke."

~

Kuroo knew something was off with Kageyama. He overheard it was his supposed birthday today. The one where you get the soulmark. 

And Kageyama's shoulders were a little tense. Kuroo didn't see anything on the raven-haired boy's face, and he supposed the things weren't that bad.

He hoped Karasuno would win, againts Inarizaki. He wanted the Garbage Battle to occur again and he needed Karasuno to win for this. 

Things were looking okay, Karasuno even managed too snatch the first set. Everyone seemed at the top of their game, which was good.

Inarizaki seemed like a tough opponent. 

He didn't notice the time, how it was 12 already, when it was Kageyama's turn to serve. 

The first serve looked okay, he even managed to get in a no touch ace. One more, and Karasuno would win. 

But somethimg was off, Kageyama's form was too stiff, as he jumped to serve. And then his hand faltered, his knees buckled and he missed his serve. 

Kuroo knew better than to blame it on stamina, because he knew Kageyama has plenty. He knew this had something to do with the soulmark business, but he though it wouldn't be that bad. 

But then Kageyama's scream reached his ears, and he felt Kenma tense beside him.   
The scream was horrible, and even Kuroo shifted in his seat.

The soulmarking wasn't supposed to be that bad. Even for him, who knew Kenma since they were kids.

Sure, there was scorching pain, stabbing at his arm, where the mark was. 

But he didn't need to scream. 

"Heh. Damn," he mumbled to himself, when he watched Kageyama actually fall to the ground. 

But it wasn't funny.

Because Kageyama's body was trembling, shiveeing in pain, and Kuroo caught a glimpse of red. 

What the fuck? 

"Ku. Kuro.." Kenma whispered beside him, as the blonde boy reached for Kuroo's hand.   
The raven-haired boy felt Kenma's uneasiness, and he pulled the other boy in his lap.

He had a heavy pulling thing in his own chest, and there was a tingling feeling in his soulmark. 

Kenma looked at Kageyama's squirming body, he saw how Sugawara was trying to help, but Daichi pulled him away. He saw he wasn't the only one feeling this heavy thing. 

And then Kageyama screamed again, loud and pained, and Kenma flinched. Kuroo pushed Kenma's head in the crook of his neck, so the boy wouldn't have to see this. 

He watched, with horror in his eyes, as the medics dragged Kageyama's limp body away. 

He knew exactly what happened. 

He was, unfortunately, a witness to many rejections. But he never saw one so bad. 

The crowd was wild, people were screaming, and the judges proclaimed the match to be over. Kuroo stood up, with Kenma still in his arms, and motioned with his head to the rest of his team to leave. 

As he was leaving the gym, he looked back for the last time, to see a big patch of dark blood, where Kageyama layed, just moments before. 

He knew that wasn't just a rejection. 

The bond was fucking broken. 

~

Akaashi could feel the atmosphere was a bit different, when Kageyama was up to serve. But the serve was good, his form was amazing.

The raven-haired boy even managed to get a no touch ace in. 

They were at match point, Karasuno had good chances to win the second set, and call it a day. But then Kageyama's hand faltered and the boy stumbled. 

Akaashi had a bad feeling, and he saw Bokuto's shoulder tense. The black haired boy felt a strange pull, and he noticed some people around him were also uneasy. 

And then Kageyama's scream pierced his ears, and he grabbed Bokuto's hand in instinct. He didn't know why at first, he just felt a sudden need to be near his soulmate. 

And Bokuto squeezed his hand in his, and Akaashi knew the ace felt the exact heavy thing. Everyone in the gym felt it and Akaashi flinched, when Kageyama screamed again.

He understood what was happening after a moment. It wasn't hard to put two and two together. However, he didn't understand why the boy was in so much pain.

He himself didn't feel like that, when his mark was formed, bit thenn again, he didn't exactly know Bokuto back then.

His blue eyes widened in horror, as he saw the blood seeping through the setter's fingers.

Another horrifying scream echoed through the gym, but he couldn't see anything else, because Bokuto turned, and dragged him out of the gym. 

Akaashi let himself be pulled away, and didn't dare to look back. 

~

Hinata couldn't do anything. He flinched when he heard Kageyama scream. He didn't understand at first, as he helplessly stood there, watching his best friend struggling to breathe. 

But then he moved, he was calling out to the boy, but it was like Kageyama couldn't even hear him. His face was scrunched up in pain, and Hinata wasn't even sure Kageyama was even breathing. 

"Hey! Kageyama! It's okay, breathe," he tried to calm the setter, as he reached forward to grasp him by his biceps but Kageyama flinched violently, and Hinata scrambled away. 

It was horrible, watching Kageyama's body squirm, flex and shiver. Hinata wanted it to stop, he tried to help, but he couldn't even get close to the setter. 

The screams were terrifying and horrible. Hinata didn't know Kageyama could scream like that. He tried to grab for his hands again, as he saw how the boy was clutching his hip, amd the red liquid seeping through the fingers. 

"Kageyama! Don't die!" he yelled and a lunched forward, but someone grabbed him by the hand, and all he could do was watch as the medics took his best friend away. 

He caught a glimpse of the bloody initials, and his fist balled in anger. 

Beacuse he knew who initials belong to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since i have vacations next week, and tomorrow is a weekend, I might post more than one chapter??


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway I guess this is a little insight on what is happening?
> 
> However, double chapter, because it doesn't make sensd otherwise cause like they are in context so I had to.

The medics whelled Kageyama away, and the judges were quick to stop the game. The crowd was wild, everoyne was screaming, and rushing to get out of the gym.

"Can someone go with Kageyama? I'll take care of things here," yelled coach Ukai over the noise.

And Daichi, as the team captain nodded in confirmation, and pulled Sugawara with him to follow their youngest teammate. He didn't exactly want to see Kageyama's limp body, but he won't leave him alone.

And everyone else on the team was still shaken from the occurrence, so it made sense he'd step in.

He grabbed the medic's hand when they pulled him up in the ambulance. The echoes of Kageyama's screams were still echoing in his head, and he looked away from his unconscious kouhai.

He felt bad, really bad for Kageyama. Because the boy was a good kid, sure he had some trust issues and his arrogant attitude occasionally caused some problems, but still.

He was a good kid, with talent and passion, and he didn't understand why someone would cut him off, before even meeting him properly.

Sugawara squeezed his hand beside him, and Daichi let him lean his head on his shoulder. "He's going to be okay, right?"

Daichi opened his mouth to answer, when his phone ranged. He frowned, he barely registered grabbing his mobile on the way out of the gym.

He picked it up, and answered before looking at the contact. "Hello?"

"Where is Kageyama?" he recognized Iwaizumi's voice.

Daichi looked at Sugawara, with narrowed eyes, and asked suspiciously: "What? Why do you want to know that?"

Sugawara raised his head from Daichi's shoulder and looked at his soulmate in question.

Iwaizumi didn't falter, he answered in the same tone as before: "Just tell me. Which hospital?"

Daichi was quiet for a moment before answering. If he asked in what hospital the boy is, that meant he watched the broadcast of the game.

Which meant Oikawa probably watched the game too.

And he knew there was some bad blood between the setters, and there's no way he'd allow his kuhai being the victim of his former upperclassman again. 

"So you watched the broadcast? And what are you going to do now, you're going to mock Kageyama with Oikawa for his weakness or something?" he answered, with low and dangerous voice.

Sugawara frowned at him, and leaned closer to try and hear Iwaizumi's answer.

The other boy was quiet for a moment and Daichi heard some shiffling and car door slamming shut. 

Was the ace really planning to coming all the way here, just for Kageyama?

Daichi didn't like where this was going, and judging by Sugawara's frown the other boy thought there was something fishy going on.

"Yes I did saw the broadcast. But I'm not planing on pulling any jokes, Oikawa is also as good as dead right now, so if you don't mind, I'd like like to know where Kageyama is, so they don't die."

Sugawara inhaled sharply, and Daichi almost dropped his phone, as Iwaizumi's word reached his ears.

The sound of beeping machinery was way too loud as the heavy silence settled over the occupants in the ambulance. Daichi looked over to the raven haired boy, whose face was covered by oxgyen mask.

His orange jersey was dark red now, as it was still drenched in blood. He didn't see the initials, but he hoped they weren't what Iwaizumi was implying.

But there was no way Iwaizumi would lie about something like that.

"What did you just say?" he said quietly. He really didn't like how the conversation turned out.

"You heard me. Now, can you tell me where Kageyama is?" Iwaizumi grumbled in response.

And Daichi didn't want him near Kageyama. he didn't care if Oikawa was also in the same state as his kouhai, because it was his own fault. Sure, he heard Oikawa could be cruel, he heard his manipulative words aimed at him even.

But he didn't think the boy would step this low. He didn't think Oikawa's hatred was so deep withing the setter's bones, he was ready to cut Kageyama off, and kill himself in the process.

He was ready fo snap at Iwaizumi, but Sugawara, grabbed his arm. "Daichi, tell him the adress," whispered the silver haired boy.

Daichi covered his phone with his hand. "No. Suga, it's Oikawa's faulth he's like this. You think he'll be better if he shows up?"

"I don't know, but Kageyama might die like this. And if he really is the soulmate, his presence might help." Sugawara looked at him with pained expression on his face.

Daichi suppressed the urge to sigh. He knew Sugawara was right. Soulmate bond was a sacred, special thing. And if anything might help Kageyama, it was his soulmate.

When the medics arrived, the first thing they asked for, was where was Kageyama's soulmate. Daichi helplessly shrugged his shoulders.

Since his injures were caused by a soulmate, the medics were almost useless without the person's presence. He didn't like this feeling of complete uselessness, unable to help his kouhai.

"I'll send you the address. But this conversation isn't over," Daichi mumbled in his phone, before ending the call.

He probably shouldn't get himself in this mess, but he won't be just a bystander. Because this stuff was important, and Kageyama was actually lying there, with oxygen mask on his face.

One of the medics turned to him, after he overhead the conversation. "Is his soulmate arriving?"

Daichi merely nodded in response.

"Good," mumbled the medic, and turned away, to whisper something to the other medical staff.

And Daichi probably shouldn't prompted, but he didn't like being useless and unaware of things. And Sugawara didn't look like he liked being in the dark either, so Daichi turned to the medics.

"Can you tell us what's wrong?"

The medics shared a look, before one of them turned to the captain. "Let me ask you this first, what do you think happened?"

Sugawara answered immediately: "The bond between them is too weak due to the distance, but since they already met the bond couldn't handle and it broke a little?"

There was hint of hope in Sugawara's voice. And Daichi was alos thinking in the same direction, maybe Kageyama wasn't rejected, maybe the distance was just too much.

However, the wince from the medics begged to differ." Partly, you are correct. Yes, the distance played its part in all of this, but the thing is..."

The medic cut himself off, and exchange glances with his coworkers. Silence was uncomfortable, and Daichi already knew this whole thing is about to be really, really bad. 

"The bond... didn't.. form correctly," said the medics, but the tension wasn't released. No, Dachi saw the heavy exhales of his coworkers, and he knew they weren't telling them anything.

"What do you mean by that?" prompted Sugawara, as he leaned over Daichi.

"I... Look we don't know for sure, these are just our speculations, since we didn't get the chance to test it, but..." the medic was looking really uncomfortable, and he couldn't even maintain the eye contact.

"I don't think the bond is even there, " said another medic, after a long moment of heavy, tense silence.

... 

"What?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for kudos and comments my guys. Whoever said that they wanted to beat Oikawa till he meets his ancestors you made my day!
> 
> (and honestly kinda same heh)
> 
> Anyway. I already have a lil of 12. chapter done so...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Insight on Oikawa?? I..
> 
> Listen.. I know I am dragging this, but I already had this written, and I really didn't feel like deleting this. 
> 
> But shit will happen okay?? Afterall Oikawa already did some bullshit so...
> 
> And the next chapters are longer heheh

To be completely honest, Iwaizumi knew something really bad is going to happen. He wanted to be extra careful, so he even dragged Oikawa all the way to Tokio yesterday.t

But then he was completely pulled in the game, so he didn't process what time it was.

And damn, Karasuno evolved. Sure, it stang a little, because he also wanted a chance at the Nationals.

But somehow, he was glad that Karasuno got to the Nationals. He got to see how Kageyama has evolved as a volleyball player.

Kageyama jumped up for the jump serve, scored a point with a no touch ace. The serve reminded him of Oikawa's, it held the same power amd and it was equally as killer.

And maybe Iwaizumi should pay more attention, because Oikawa surely would have said something about Kageyama's serve. He turned, to his firend, only to find Oikawa struggling to breathe.

"Oi! Shittykawa! The fuck are you doing?" he reached over to grabb Oikawa's arm, but then Kageyama's scream echoed through the screen, and Iwaizumi flinched.

The hell?

And then he looked over, and he saw the numbers on the clock.

_Shit._

It was twleve.

He couldn't see what was going on with Kageyama, because Karasuno team were scattered all over the gym, and peope were screaming.

He turned to Oikawa, who was choking on air, and clawing at his chest. "Hey! Stop that!" yelled Iwaizumi, but it was like Oikawa didn't even register his presence.

Oikawa was trembling and shivering, and Kageyama's scareams were heard again, and Iwaizumi winced. He shuffled over to Oikawa, to grab him for his hand, but Oikawa just gasped and toppled over.

Iwaizumi barely had time to catch Oikawa, before the boy fell of the couch. The whole thing he witnessed was fucking terrible, and he was still horrified, as Kageyama's screams ringed in his ears.

He knew Oikawa could be a fucking dumbass. He didn't understand why he didn't say anything, why he just left, to get a piece of himself cut off. He was always sure, that his best friend didn't really hate Kageyama.

He wondered, where he missed. He actually opted to whacking Oikawa upside the head, but the annoying boy was already out.

Iwaizumi was helpless, completely useless, when he watched Oikawa choke and tremble.

"Fucking dumbass, you idiot," he mumbled, as he half dragged Oikawa out of his living room.

He knew what needed to be done, if he wanted to save Kageyama and his best friend. He didn't know if there was a bond left, or if the connection broke completely, but he hoped the surgery didn't remove everything.

Beacuse he doesn't want Oikawa to die god damnit.

He reached in his hoodie pocket, and grabbed his phone. It was hard, with Oikawa's dead weight weighing his left side, but he managed to punch in Daichi's number.

"Hello?" the boy picked up after three rings. Iwaizumi didn't beat around the bush.

"Where's Kageyama?"

"What? Why do you want to know that?" asked Daichi, with defensive tone.

Wow, Iwaizumi didn't even do anything, why is he like this?

"Just tell me. What hospital?"

There was a beat of silence, before Daichi answered, voice low. "So you watched the broadcast? And what are you going to do now, you're going to mock Kageyama with Oikawa for his weakness or something?"

Iwaizumi didn't know if he should feel ofended. He never said a foul word against Kageyama. Hell, he wasn't the one who held a grudge against him. If anyone was to be scolded right now, was Oikawa, but the bastard was half dead.

Iwaizumi didn't answeri mmediately, as he opened his car doors, and almost threw Oikawa in the back seat, before he realised that wouldn't be very nice.

"Yes I did saw the broadcast. But I'm not planing on pulling any jokes, Oikawa is also as good as dead right now, so if you don't mind, I'd like to know where Kageyama is, so they don't die."

There was heavy silence, and Iwaizumi squeezed his eyes shut, as he realized what he just said. Oikawa didn't want anyone to know about the soulmate business, but he just went and told Daichi.

But then again, they have other things to worry about right now.

He pressed his hand to Oikawa's neck to feel for the boy's pulse. It was weak but it was there.

"What did you just say?" Daichi whispered, and Iwaizumi shivered.

Shit, he really didn't think this through. "You heard me. Now, can you tell me where Kageyama is?"

Iwaizumi heard whispers in the background, a he got into a driver's seat. Daichi was probably talking to Sugawara. Iwaizumi probably fucked up, but he wasn't the one to blame.

No, the idiot to blame for this mess was laying unconscious on the back seat.

"I'll send you the address. And this conversation isn't over," said Daichi, with strained voice.

Iwaizumi grunted in response, when Daichi ended the call. The hospital was fucking 10 minutes away, bit whatever. He can get the dumbass ther ein five.

"God damn it Shittykawa," he mumbled as he turned on the navigation and drove out of the driveway.

Oikawa was completely out, and judging by the sirens, Kageyama was taken to the hospital with an ambulance. And he heard the screams and saw the blood. He hoped they had enought time.He didn't know shit about rejections, and broken bonds. He hoped he won't ever have to witness a thing like that.

Especially not form his best friend.

He angrily slapped the steering wheel. He should have known. It was so fucking obvious something wasn't right, because when they were little, Oikawa used to be so excited about all the soulmates and soulmark business.

"Ah! I can't wait to get mine Iwa-chan! I'm sure it's going to be the prettiest!" Oikawa said one day, when they were swinging on the swings.

Iwaizumi didn't particularly care about that before. He was a kid for god's sake. "Yeah, I hope mine will be pretty too."

Oikawa then smiled at him. "Wouldn't it be cool, if we were matched?"

Iwaizumi didn't think much of it back then. He merely shrugged at his best friend. The thought of being matched to Oikawa wasn't even that bad. They were best friends after all, so, why not?

"Yeah. That'd be cool."

But then, Iwaizumi's birthday came, and the soulmark didn't match his best friend. But it was fine, they both knew their dreams were childish, they knew the universe won't play by their cards.

And he should have known, he should know something was up.

Because Oikawa wasn't as cheery as he used to be, when his birthday came, his fake smiles were even faker. But god damn, Kageyama didn't deserve this shit either.

Why was Oikawa so stubborn?

But it didn't matter now. What was done was done, and he only hoped Oikawa meant it, when he said he wanted to fix it. He hoped it was fixable.

He gritted his teeth, and stepped on gas. They didn't have time for slow driving. Iwaizumi could risk a speed ticket, as long as he got Oikawa to Kageyama before one of them stopped breathing for real this time.

He hoped they won't be too late.

For his best friend's sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I dragging this for too long? Possibly. Will hospital scene be long? Yes.
> 
> But shit will happen okay? I am sorry for dragging things out, but I guess that's howbI do it?? 
> 
> I'll try to fast forward it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JDKSKSKISS
> 
> I was editing this shit and I wanted to throw this out but then I didn't. And I am so sorry for super late update, I got another idea for the story and I kind of messed something up BUT HEEYYY.
> 
> I got it under control my dudes.  
> So here it is. I don't... i don't even know what this chapter is, just for you to see how bad things are I guess?
> 
> Someone pls tell me if I'm exaggerating

Iwaizumi dragged Oikawa out of his car, to the sliding doors of the hospital. He managed to get to the hospital in four minutes, he almost caused three crahses, and he'll probably get a speeding ticket. 

But whatever, all that mattered was that he managed to drag Oikawa to the hospital. The setter was still completely out of it, his body was limp, and Iwaizumi felt like he was dragging a puppet around. 

His breathing was quick and shallow. The boy whimpered from time to time, an dmumbled some nonsense, but other than that, he didn't really looked alive.

And Iwaizumi was scared, he was so fucking frightened. Because he didn't like the silencehe didn't like how Oikawa was just a dead weight.

God damnit. 

He limped to the reception desk, and lamost threw Oikawa over his shoulder. The lady looked up at him, with wide eyes, already opening her mouth, but Iwaizumi beat her to it.

"Hi, where is Kageyama Tobio? This is his soulmate?" he asked, and the woman fuerrowed her eyebrows.

She looked confused for a moment, amd Iwaizumi was already prepared for the worst, but before the woman could say anything, the sirens were heard from the outside. 

Iwaizumi turned around, to see three medics rushing in through the glass door. He could see Kageyama's body on the strecher and one of the medics was implementing CPR.

Kageyama's face was covered with oxygen mask, and there was blood on his jersey. There was so much blood, the orange jersey was brown from all the red, and Iwaizumi saw Daichi's hands were also drenched in blood.

He could only stare at the blood dripping on the white hospital floor in horror. To think this happened, because Oikawa wasn't thinking rationally? 

To think Oikawa caused all of this? If the boy wouldn't be in a life threatening situation, he would beat his ass for this. 

Because Kageyama looked pretty much dead, and it was all Oikawa's fault, because he was too petty. Because his pride got in the way? 

Holly shit. 

"Kageyama Tobio, 16, volleyball player, 12 am, soulmate bond not formed correctly, blood type A+, we lost him twice in the last five minutes," yelled one of the medics to the doctors, who came rushing in reception.

"Can someone call his soulmate!" yelled one of the doctors, and that snapped Iwaizumi out of his daze.

He opened his mouth to say something, when the nurse behind the reception desk yelled over the noise: "He's already here!"

She pointed in Iwaizumi's direction, and one of the doctors hurriedly stepped to the boy. He looked at Oikawa, and quickliy checked his form. 

He pressed two fingers to Oikawa's throat as he asked Iwaizumi: "Name and age?"

Iwaizumi blinked, he could stil see Kageyama's bloody body in front of him, and the man had to snao his fingers in front of his eyes, so Iwaizumi focused back on him.

"Oikawa Torru, 19."

Doctor simply nodded, and motioned for the nurses to take the boy from Iwaizumi's arms. The nurses, carefully layed Oikawa on one of the stretchers, and hurriedly carried him away.

"You can wait in the waiting room," said the doctor and quickly walked away. Iwaizumi barely comprehended the words, because all he could do was stare after the nurses who took Kageyama and Oikawa away.

Both barely alive, one breathing, and the other not breathing at all. Both unconscious, both just two dead weights on stretches. 

Fuck. 

"Iwaizumi," the boy turned around, as he heard Daichi call his name.

Iwaizumi didn't let the horror show on his face, as he saw the blood on Daichi's hands. It was Kageyama's blood.The boy was still wearing his orange jersey, and there were also drops of blood on his shorts. 

Daichi's face didn't show any emotion, as he said: "Let's have a talk, shall we?"

The boy motioned for Iwaizumi to follow, as he and Sugawara walked in the direction of the waiting rooms. And Iwaizumi didn't want to talk, it wasn't his fault god damn it. 

He didn't like the threatening look in Sugawara's brown eyes. It wasn't him who should be scolded for this, Oikawa should get yelled at.

Not him. 

But he didn't really have a choice did he? 

"I am so going to punch the fucking bastard," mumbled Iwaizumi as he followed the Karasuno captains. 

No one said anything, even when they were already sitting in those uncomfortable plastic hospital chairs in the waiting room. The silence was way too uncomfortable for Iwaizumi. 

"Okay. Can you two just ask what you want to know?" Iwaizumi broke the silence. 

Daichi didn't look at him, as he was still wiping his bloody hands. "Sure. Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?" 

Iwaizumi didn't say anything. 

"Oikawa went to the bond removal surgery. Correct?" asked Daichi, still not looking at him. 

Iwaizumi didn't really know why he is sitting here, having this conversation. Because he wasn't involved in the whole thing at all. 

"Yes he did. Three years ago, I think it was September or something I don't really know." 

Sugawara leaned forward, to look at Iwaizumi over Daichi's hands."What do you mean you don't really know?'" 

Iwaizumi didn't sigh at that. "Exactly that. I don't know the details, because I didn't even knew he pulled this shit till yesterday."

Daichi looked at him after he said that. His face didn't betray any emotions he was having, and Iwaizumi leaned back a little. 

He heard some stories about Sawamura Daichi and his angry moments. He doesn't want to see if they're true. 

"He didn't tell you?" 

"No, he didn't. If he did, we wouldn't be sitting here, because I would have knocked some sense in that stupid head of his," grumbled Iwaizumi. 

Why didn't Oikawa trusted him with this? The boy still refused to talk about it. It probably wasn't even that big of a deal. 

Daichi and Sugawara shared a look Iwaizumi didn't bother to understand. 

"That.. surely complicates things huh?" mumbled Daichi to his soulmate. 

Sugawara shrugged. "I mean, the whole thing is messed up, but at least we know he wasn't exactly reasonable with his decision. Since Iwaizumi didn't know."

Huh. 

So they thought he knew about this? He decided he won't be bitter about whatever that might mean. 

"Do you know why?" asked Daichi. 

Iwaizumi didn't. So he helplessly shrugged his shoulders. He had an idea, but he won't be making excuses for Oikawa. He would have to speak for himself. 

"Huh. I guess we'll just have to wait to see after they'd be out of the woods," concluded Daichi after a moment. 

Iwaizumi didn't answer, he just leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "I just hope it isn't too late."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Sugawara.

Iwaizumi didn't look up, he stared at the hospital floor beneath his feet. "I don't think he actually removed the bond. I think there's still something left. Oikawa wouldn't react so badly, if there wasn't anything present, would he?"

Karasuno captains didn't say anything for a long moment, so he turned his head to look at them. And Iwaizumi didn't say anything wrong, so why were they looking at him like he grew another head?

"What?" 

"You.. do you really believe that?" Sugawara asked carefully. 

Iwaizumi didn't quite understand why Sugawara was asking him this. He frowned at the duo beside him. 

"Uh.. I don't know much, but I'm pretty sure Oikawa wouldn't feel anything, if the bond was removed."

Karasuno captains shared another look. This time, it was mixed with worry and relief. What was that about? 

"Why?" he prompted after a moment. He also wanted to know damnit.

Daichi turned back to him, and looked at him for a moment, not saying anything. "You see.. me and Suga.. we came here with ambulance, with Kageyama."

Iwaizumi didn't say anything. He didn't like where this was going. 

"And... the medics.. they said.." Sugawara twirled a silver strand of his hair with his finger. 

Iwaizumi frowned, because he never saw Karasuno setter do that before. Was it really that bad? 

"They said the bond was barely formed. And that it might just break one day, even if they didn't meant for it to, since a part of it was broken, as soon as it was written," explained Daichi, with a hard edge to his voice. 

Iwaizumi really didn't like the direction this conversation was heading. This was never supposed to happen.

But Daichi still looked like there was something else. And Iwaizumi had a hunch what the other boy had yet to say. 

"That means there's a 90% chance one of them won't wake up tomorrow," said Daichi as he looked at Iwaizumi with a hard look in his brown eyes. 

"Or maybe, neither of them will..." quietly mumbled Sugawara. 

Iwaizumi could just stare. Because all of it seemed like a small mistake, nothing lethal. He knew Oikawa could be the dumbest of them all sometimes, rushing things, overworking himself. 

And this was far the worst thing he had done. But apart from that, Iwaizumi felt guilt, heavy on his shoulders. Because he was supposed to be there for his best friend, Oikawa should be able to talk to him about this. 

But the idiot didn't say anything. For three years. 

And now, here they are, sitting in a hospital with crossed fingers, hoping for the other 10% to overpower. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah.
> 
> May I mention that Hajime Isayama is my inspiration


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what this is. I am sorry??

Oikawa blinked his eyes open.

He looked around, confused and rubbed his eyes to rub his sleepiness away. He recognized his own room, that was his bed with blue sheets, and those were his book, lying on the desk. 

But how did he get here?

Just a moment before, he was sitting in the hotel room, with Iwaizumi, watching the Nationals. Watching Tobio-chan.

Shit. 

Tobio. 

He should be with Tobio right now! 

Pain flashed through his hip, as he remembered what happened. He remembered the way how he struggled to breathe, he remembered the claws stratching, tearing at the soulmarks on his hip. 

He should be with Tobio-chan, not here, doing nothing in his own room. 

And how did Iwaizumi allow this anyway? 

He asked him for his help, to help him fix this. But Iwaizumi just sent him home? How will that fix anything? Considering the blurred memories of Tobio's screams, this distance between them will only worsen the situation. 

Unless... 

There was nothing to fix, and... 

Oikawa violently shook his head. No, he will not think like this. Surely, this is just Iwaizumi's precaution, and he decided to take him, because he'd recover quickly, if he was at home. 

Surely, Tobio is also back in Miyagi, right? 

Oikawa tried to push himself of the bed, to leave his room. He was going to go visit Tobio, he was going to apologise. Or maybe he won't tell him at all, maybe Tobio doesn't even know what happened. 

Maybe Tobio doesn't know what Oikawa did. Maybe he won't even ask. And maybe he doesn't even need to know, because all Oikawa has to do now, is go there, and try to reconnect their bond. 

Surely, the bond was there, if he felt it? He felt the pull of the bond, he felt it tug at his heartstrings. 

Surely, there was something _there._

Right?

He tried to push himself of the bed, but his hands didn't move. He looked down, to see them clutching at his hip, right there, where his soulmark was.

He tried to pull his hands away, he tried to force them away from his shirt, but it was like he had no control over his hands.

"What..." he tried to voice out, but even his jaw stayed cenched.

Oikawa was slightly panicking now, because he was frozen there sitting on his bed, unable to move. It felt like he was paralyzed on the spot. 

He tried to call for his best friend, surely he was there somewhere. Iwaizumi wouldn't just leave him alone, after... that.

But he couldn't move his mouth, and his limbs were frozen. But then, his legs started moving, he rose from his bed, and he wanted to dash downstairs, to go look for Iwaizumi.

To go look for Tobio. 

But his own body didn't listen to him, his legs carried him to the bathroom. Oikawa's breathing was ragged and shallow, he couldn't breathe properly through gritted teeth, but he couldn't unclench his jaw either.

Was his own body trying to kill him?

But then, he saw his face in the bathroom mirror, he saw the angry expression on his face didn't match the feelings he felt. He wasn't angry at anything, he was fucking terrified. 

But he was scowling at himself, angrily staring at his reflection. And only then, did he notice, the baby blue bracelet on his left wrist, as his eyes flickered to the hands, still clutching his right hip. 

And he immediately remembered what was happening.

It was the day, september 24. The day when he decided to go to the surgery, to remove the mark.

Oikawa didn't understand what was happening. Surely, this was just his own mind, pointing out his mistakes. And god damnit, he knew he shouldn't have done it.

He realized that now.

But it didn't matter, and now his hands were moving, lifting up the shirt, and revealing the bandage on his hip. Oikawa's breath hitched at the sight of familiar bandage.

And oh boy, did he feel like crying.

But then, his reflection changed, the boy in the mirror leaned closer, and stared at his eyes with a menacing glare. Oikawa didn't know his face could make such an ugly expression.

"What, you're gonna cry? Now? Three years after you pulled this shit?" his reflection laughed, bitterly and ugly, terrible sound.

"Hate to break it to you, but it's too late." The boy in the mirror raised his hand, and pointed at him. He would flinch, but he was still frozen.

"And you have no one else to blame, but your arrogant egoistic ass."

And then his reflection laughed the horrible laugh again, and Oikawa flinched. Surely, he was dreaming. This wasn't really happening. It was just a dream right. 

A nightmare. It was just a nightmare, and he should be able to wake up now. 

But his reflection surged forward, it broke through the glass of the mirror, and pulled him for shirt. 

And his face changed, it was Iwaizumi's face now, staring down at him with angry disappointed frown. 

"What the fuck did you do Shittykawa? Huh? You know that's going to kill him right?" Iwaizumi shook him voilently, and Oikawa couldn't even fight it. 

"You hate him so bad huh? You want him dead don't you?" 

"No! No Iwa-chan, that's not it! Wait!" he tried to scream at his best friend, but his voice didn't made it past his lips, and Iwaizumi just looked at him, with dead void dark eyes. 

"It's your fault Shittykawa," Iwaizumi whispered the words with venom in brunette's ear. "It's your fault, and he hates you for it."

Oikawa could definitely cry now, because he never heard Iwaizumi speak thim with such menace, venom practically dripping from his voice. 

"Wait, no, Iwa-chan I'm sorry!" he screamed, but his lips were pressed shut, and Iwaizumi didn't spare him any glance, when he unclenched his fists, and let the brunette to fall on the ground. 

Oikawa whimpered in pain, as he looked up, but Iwaizumi wasn't there anymore. In fact, nothing was there anmyore. 

He was alone, with nothing but darkness surrounding him. He tried to move his hands, and he sighed in relief, when, he realized he can move again.

But that didn't really made him feel any better, because he was still stuck in a nightmare he can't escape. 

He hissed in pain, when something scratched his hip. He looked down, and saw his blue shirt was drenched in blood, and he panicked. 

"Oh my god, no no no..." he chanted to no one, and his words echoed back from the darkness. 

He felt that pull again, the pull on his soulbond, and something was pulling it out of him. The pain in his hip was increasing, and he raised his shirt with shaky hands. 

And he screamed, loud and pained, as he saw the torned skin, where his mark used to be. There wasn't even a trace of K. T. that used to be carved there. 

No, there was just blood, pooling out of the carvings, like someone cut it out. 

"No no no no!" he whispered, with pained voice, as he tried to stop the bleeding with his hands. 

Why couldn't he just wake up? Why was this happening? Did Tobio feel this? Could he see, what was happening? 

Or was this just projection of his own guilt, that was slowly eating him alive, for these past three years? 

Then, a flash of light blinded Oikawa for a moment, and he raised his bloody hands, to block the scorching stream. 

Was it over? Was he waking up? 

He glanced to his right, where the source of the light was. And he saw a boy, turned away from him. A boy, with familiar black hair. 

"Tobio?" he whispered silently, and his hip throbbed in pain, as the name left his mouth. 

And the boy turned around and oh, god it really was Tobio. 

And Oikawa stood up, he pushed himself up on his legs, and he ran to the raven-haired boy.

"Tobio-chan!"

And Tobio just stood there, looking at him approaching with a blank look on his face. And Oikawa ran faster, he didn't know what the fuck was happening, or why Tobio was so far away.

But he was right there. 

Tobio was right there, looking at him with his adorable blue eyes, and maybe it was a sign Maybe it was a sign, that everything will be okay. 

"Tobio-chan!" he called the boy, and he was right in front of him now, he raised his hand, to touch the raven-haired boy, but his hand was stopped mid air. 

His hand came in contact with something invisible, and another wave of fear flowed through the brunette. Because his hip was bleeding, his heart was aching, and Tobio was right there. 

Tobio was standing there, looking up at him, with lost expression on his face. The raven-haired boy opened his mouth, and Oikawa's eyes widened in dread, as he heard the quiet word. 

"Why?" 

Oikawa just stared back, with his bloody hand on the invisible wall, separating him from the younger boy. 

He knew what Tobio was asking, but it wasn't real. It wasn't real he was dreaming, this wasn't happening. 

He just has to wake up, and everything will be fine. 

Pain flashed across Tobio's face, as he raised his bloody hand. He put his hand on the other side of the invisible wall, righ there, where Oikawa was holding his. 

Their hands would be touching, if the invisible force wasn't there. 

Tobio looked up at Oikawa, with big teary blue eyes. Oikawa couldn't do anything else, but simply stare back, horrified. He was pressing his hand againts the force separating them, like if he pressed hard enough, the wall would be gone. 

Tobio then opened his mouth and asked quietly: "Oikawa-san, why?" 

And Oikawa didn't say anything, he stared back in horror, when blood trickled out of the corner of Tobio's mouth. 

"What... the.."

"Oikawa-san, you..." Tobio gargled, as more blood dripped down his chin. "You really... despise me.. that... much?" 

"No! Tobio! Stop!" yelled Oikawa, as he punched helplessy at the wall between them. But it did nothing, he pounded on the wall, but the thing didn't move. 

The wall was still there, a painful border between them. Oikawa didn't acknowledge the throbbing pain in his hip, all he was focused on was Tobio's pained expression on his face, and blood painting his face red. 

"I don't hate you, Oikawa-san," slurred Tobio through the blood filling his mouth. "I didn't even do anything, so why?" 

He coughed, and the blood sprayed on the wall in front of Oikawa's face. Oikawa pushed against the force again, he punched it with all his might, but it didn't work. 

And Tobio kept talking, he kept on chanting quietly "Why?" and it was too much. Because Oikawa didn't had a reason why, and this was not supposed to be happening.

"Shut up, shut up SHUT UP!" yelled the brunette with each bang on his fist against the wall. His fist was bloody, but the blood was probably from the wound on his hip. 

He just wanted to wake up, he wanted to wake up, and look for his real kouhai, his real soulmate.

Why was he stuck in this nightmare?

Why can't he wake up? 

His fist hit something real then. Something alive and warm, and he looked up. Tobio was holding his fist in his bloody hand, looking down at him with sad eyes. 

"Tobio-chan?" 

And Tobio didn't say anything, he just fell forward, and Oikawa caught him in his arms. Tobio raised his shaky hand, and pulled the brunette down to his face. He nestled his head in the crook of Oikawa's neck and whispered quietly. 

"This is your fault, Oikawa-san."

And Oikawa froze, he couldn't move, when Tobio reached forward, to his chest, and tugged at his heart strings. 

"No! Wait, no Tobio!" he screamed, and tried to pry Tobio's hands away from his heart strings. 

But Tobio didn't hear his screams, he simply tugged and pulled and Oikawa screamed. He screamed when he felt the bond between them breaking, and this was not what he wanted. 

He tried to fix it, that's why he came here, all the way to Tokio, but was it too late? 

"Isn't this what you wanted, Oikawa-san?" whispered Tobio, quietly, and painfully. 

And Oikawa couldn't even say anything he just screamed. 

"TOBIO! NO!" 

It wasn't real, he has to wake up. But he kept fallling, he kep on screaming, because it hurt too much, and why isn't he waking up? 

"STOP!" 

And then Oikawa violently surged forward, as he sat up in his hospital bed. Sweat was dripping down his face, and his hip was aching so bad. He looked down at his shaky hands, and sighed in relief, as he saw they weren't red.

There was no blood staining his palms, and he was okay. 

He hurriedly kicked the covers away, and lifted the blue hospital shirt, to check his hip. And thank god, he could still see K. T. 

He breathed in relief, and slowly layed back on the bed. It was okay, he was okay. It was just a dream. Just a nightmare, nothing more. 

And they would be fine. 

He turned around, to see Tobio laying on the bed beside him, unmoving. His face wasn't scrunched in pain, which was a good thing. 

He noticed the bandage on his right hip, and painful flashbacks of his own bandage wrapped around his middle flashed through his head. 

He blinked the thoughts away, and instead focused on Tobio's pale hands. Clean pale hands. He leaned over to the other boy, and took one of his smaller hands in his. 

The image of Tobio's bloody hands was still fresh in his head. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and shook his head, as if that would help him get right of the horrific picture. "

The brunette then opened his eyes, and leaned even closer to the raven haired boy. He strecthed his other unoccupied hand, and gently brushed the sweaty strand of dark hair of Tobio's forehead.

"Oh my god Tobio..." he whispered silently, as he brushed his fingers through black strands of hair. 

"I am so sorry..."

He knew that wasn't nearly enough for the things he did, but it was a start. Even though Tobio couldn't actually hear him.

But he said it, and he meant it.

Tobio's limp hand in his then twitched, and Oikawa carefully leaned over the younger boy. His face still didn't show any signs of pain, as he still slept peacfully. 

"Oh? You're awake?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised I forgot how fucking serious I went with all of this, I have to rewrite three chapters holly shit... 💀


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this chapter is lame as fuck.   
> I realised this story will be longer than I originally planned. But it doesn't matter. 
> 
> Maybe I should tag slow burn but this is not a slow burn lmao.

Oikawa startled and looked up to the voice. There was a nurse, standing at the foot of Kageyama's hospital bed.

When did she come in?

"Uh.. yeah.. I woke up a few minutes ago actually.." he mumbled. He was still holding Kageyama's slightly trembling hand in his.

Was he cold?

"Good good. I was actually worried there for a moment. Thought you wouldn't woke up," she said, with a forced smile on her lips, as she walked around the bed, over to Oikawa's side.

Her words weren't as reassuring, neither was her smile. She was worried they won't wake up? That's definitely not good.

"Is it... that bad?" Oikawa asked, but didn't look up. He was still looking at Kageyama's sleeping face.

Maybe the situation was worse than he thought it was.. 

"Sort of. How are you feeling?" asked the nurse, and her voice was uncomfortably close.

Oikawa turned around, to see the woman practically leaning over him. He leaned back on the bed, and barely suppressed his urge to huff.

She was a medical staff for god's sake, she should know to not lean in his personal space god damnit.

"I am fine thank you very much," he lied through his teeth. Not the brightest idea he had. And he definitely wasn't fine.

He had a throbbing headache, heartache, and his hip burned really bad again. And Kageyama was squeezing his hand in his so hard, it more felt like he was trying to break all the bones in his hand. 

"Hmm..." the nurse hummed, seeing right through his facade, as she leaned closer, and pressed her palm against his forehead.

Oikawa leaned back into the pillows, but it didn't do much. The woman's cold hand was still on his forehead.

"So you don't have a fever, that's good," she said, as she finally pulled away. "But answer me honestly this time, Oikawa-kun."

Oikawa looked at her with a blank expression on his sweaty face. He could use the shower, but he didn't want to leave Kageyama alone. 

Not when he doesn't know if their bond is okay. 

The nurse maintained the eye contact before she turned around, and walked to Kageyama's side. "How are you really feeling?"

It was clear she wasn't asking about his physical condition because she knew he had a headache. If the pills she not so subtly, placed on the night stand beside his bed were anything to go with.

No, she was asking about the bond. 

"I... I don't know..." he said quietly.

All he felt in his hip was the throbbing pain, and nothing else. That definitely wasn't good. Because he shoudld be able to feel something else something sweet and warm but all he had was pain.

No comfort of their bond was he able to grasp, and that was worrying.

"You tried to break the bond, didn't you?" the nurse whispered quietly, as she leaned over Kageyama, to check the boy's temperature.

Kageyama didn't budge, he was still sleeping, not registering the woman's hand touching his forehead. 

"I did," honestly answered Oikawa.

No point in lying anyway. She already knows.

"And I'm guessing you did the surgery right after you got it? Three, two months after your birthday?" she wshipered again, as she wiped the sweat of Kageyama's face.

The raven-haired boy's face wasn't that peacful anymore. There was a slight crease on his forehead, and his lips were pulled in a frowning pout.

The hand in Oikawa's was holding on with a crushing force. 

"That's right..." Oikawa said, shame dripping from his words. He turned away from the woman, when she looked up.

Because he already saw enough of pitying smiles. It wasn't actually pity it was something else. The people weren't pitying him, they felt bad for his soulmate.

His rejected soulmate who didn't even know what he had done. 

"Okay. So, since the removal was done so early, the bond is definitely weak and damaged. One level is definitely broken, and the second stage is on the verge of breaking. But since you already wanted to get rid of it, we can just perform another surgery and.."

"NO!"

The nurse flinched at his loud voice, and Oikawa looked at Kageyama in slight panic. He didn't want the boy to wake up right now, because he doesn't want him to know about this. 

From what he understood from the nurse's words, the bond is still there. Sure, it's weak, but he can fix that.

Right?

"I mean, no. I don't want the surgery. I don't want to get rid of him," he said quietly. He figured he sounded absolutely ridiculous, because here he was, laying in the hospital, because of his actions three years ago. 

But still, at least he felt remorse. That was something. 

The nurse didn't say anything for a moment, and the silence was a bit unsettling. The brunette turned to look at the woman, who was already looking back at him. Her face wasn't as happy as before. 

"Are you sure?" she said, her voice barely above the whisper. 

Oikawa stared back at the woman, as he noded. He wouldn't come all the way here, if he wanted to break the bond. He'd let Tobio do what he wants, since he already did his part. 

Kageyama's breathing was a little too fast, and his face was scrunched like the boy was in pain. But he still wouldn't wake up. 

The nurse then sighed out of relief, and Oikawa narrowed his eyes. Did he really looked like someone who would break the bond when his soulmate is practically in a coma? 

Ouch. 

"Good. I am very glad to hear that, because I don't think you two would have survived the another surgery," said the woman. 

Oikawa subconsciously tightened his hold on Kageyama's hand. He almost killed him. He almost killed Kageyama because he was a selfish idiot. 

Would Kageyama even forgive him? 

"So it's that bad, huh?" 

"Not really. One level of the bond, the very basic one, is still there. We did some tests, and we..."

She couldn't continue, because Kageyama chose that moment to scream himself awake. 

"OIKAWA-SAN! NO!" 

Oikawa flinched at the volume of Kageyama's voice. The boy's eyes were still closed, his face scrunched in pain. He was still tightly grasping Oikawa's hand in his with a crushing force. 

Oikawa was already leaning over Kageyama, trying to pry his hand out of Kageyama's hold. But his hand was trapped in Kageyama's, so he strecthed his other hand and grabbed Kageyama's shoulder. 

"Hey! Tobio! Tobio wake up!" he yelled, trying to be louder than Tobio's screams. The nurse also moved in motion, and helped him by holding Kageyama's trashing hands around, in attempt to calm the boy down. 

But Kageyama didn't look like he was even registering anything. His eyes were still screwed shut, and his body was twitching like crazy. He still wouldn't let go of Oikawa's hand, and he was throwing his head around, like he was avoiding Oikawa's hand. 

But the screams were the worst. 

"NO! OIKAWA-SAN! STOP! PLEASE DON'T!" 

Oikawa's blood ran cold as he heard those words outvof Kageyama's mouth. He immediately understood what was going on. 

Kageyama was having a nightmare. 

He knew exactly whatche was dreaming about, and judging by the look on the nurse's face she also knew what was going on. 

Oikawa grabbed Kageyama's face with his left hand, and practically screamed in his ear: "Tobio! I am right here! Wake up!" 

But it didn't work, Kageyama just screamed louder, and Oikawa felt really uncomfortable. This was even worse than his own nightmare, because Kageyama wasn't there, when he woke up from it. 

"TOBIO! I AM RIGHT HERE!" he yelled louder, directly in Tobio's ear, as he leaned closer. 

He felt kind of bad for the nrse beside him, who had to listen through alk the hysteric yelling. But he didn't care about that at the moment, he has to wake up Kageyama from his nightmare. 

"OIKAWA-SAN!" 

"TOBIO! WAKE UP!" 

The brunette squeezed Kageyama's hand in his, as Kageyama finally opened his eyes. His breathing was fast and shallow, and he looked around in panic, just like Oikawa did, when he woke up from his nightmare. 

"Tobio-chan! Hey, look at me!" said Oikawa, and turned Kageyama's face in his direction. 

Kageyama blinked up at him, with foggy, distant look in his blue eyes. Oikawa knew he was still shaken from the nightmare, and didn't really register what ws happening. 

"Oi.. Oikawa-san?" Kageyama whispered quietly, with a low, broken voice. 

And Oikawa acted on instinct, he simply leaned forward, and pulled Kageyama in a hug. He wrapped his left arm around the smaller boy's shoulder, as his right one was still trapped in Tobio's hand. 

"I'm right here, Tobio-chan," he said quietly, whispered in Kageyama's ear. 

Kageyama let go of his hand, only to wrap it around Oikawa's middle, as he pressed himself closer. And Oikawa closed his eyes, and wrapped his other arm around the boy, and hugged him tight. 

He wasn't an idiot, he knew Kageyama wasn't fully awake yet. Because he knew his kouhai, he knows his grumpy Tobio-chan. 

Grumpy Tobio-chan with an always present frown on his face, and stoic expression. He knew Kageyama wouldn't let himself be hugged like that, especially not by himself. 

"We're going to be okay," he added after a moment. He didn't know why he said that, but he needed Kageyama to know the he's not leaving. 

And if he let his hand to brush through Kageyama's black hair, as he savoured the moment, no one but him needed to know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> or is it?
> 
> The nurse is lowkey dumb lmao I am so sorry this chapter is really really lame. I didn't feel like rewriting the whole thing, since I already have few chapters ahead and it wouldn't...  
>  _work_ without this lame input.  
> ....  
> ..  
> y e a h

**Author's Note:**

> GUYS.  
> Did you like it? Yes? No? Feedback?


End file.
